What to Tell Your Friends and Family

Surgery, especially weight-control surgery, can be a very private and personal matter.

Sometimes families or friends do not understand being overweight at all.  Even though they have seen you struggle and have felt a little of your frustration in trying to get control of your weight, there is a common and widespread belief that obesity is simply a matter of lack of self-control.  When a naturally slender person gains a couple of pounds, he eases up on rich desserts, and in a few days, his weight is back where he wants it.  It seems to this person that you should be able to do the same thing, even to lose hundreds of pounds.  When someone believes this and they hear that you are going to have an operation, they may say that you are "taking the easy way out", or taking too much risk to solve a "simple problem".  Understanding will come with time, when they see the results you accomplish, and the changes that are brought about in your life.

Meanwhile, it's difficult to make a rule for everyone about how to handle your family's reaction to your decision to have surgery.  Some persons simply tell their family or friends (or employer) that they are having stomach surgery, or having their gallbladder removed.  Others prefer to ask us not to discuss their surgery with their family.  We can try to follow your wishes, but we cannot lie.  For you and for us, telling less than the truth often gets very complicated, and you may harm the trust you share with your friends and family.

Our observation and experience is that an honest and forthright approach is usually the best, especially when you combine it with the confidence that you are making a good decision for yourself, and the knowledge that you have the right and responsibility to choose what is best for you and your health.  Only you can know the true frustration of obesity, and only you are qualified to make the decisions about your body and your life.

Declare what you have decided to do for yourself, and ask them for their understanding and support.  When your family and friends realize that you have taken control and are making a careful decision for your future, they will most likely support you.  They can then be a tremendous help to you and encourage you as you begin your new life in a normal size body.

Provided By Kane Center